‘You are free to live your life’
I am guilty of asking permission to live my life, do things that make me happy, chase my dreams.
My existence is often focused on making other people happy, making ‘their lives’ easier, not putting anyone out or causing the slightest inconvenience to others.
How did I become this way?
It’s more than the responsibility of being a mom who has to care for children. I’ve behaved this way long before they were a day dream. Why does everyone else’s needs come before my own? Sometimes I want to shake sense into myself. “Girl, what’s wrong with you? Get out there and live your life for you!”
When I was younger I was taught to be a ‘good girl’, not to cause too many waves, follow the rules, don’t dare upset my stressed father (or risk unleashing the rage of an atom bomb), listen to authority, be quiet, sit still. But I’m not a little girl any longer and it’s no one’s fault I behave this way, except my own.
My husband gets caught in the mental crossfire.
I ask “Babe, what do you want for dinner?” Who cares what I want to eat. I’m not important. Let’s make hubby happy.
I ask “Do you mind if I go for a run?” Because it would surely inconvenience my husband to watch three young children while I selfishly went for a jog.
I want a tattoo, my husband does not like tattoos on women therefore I have no tattoo.
I want to sign-up for that hair-braiding class but then my poor husband would be stuck watching the kids so I could learn something so silly.
“Wouldn’t it be fun to attend that psychic dinner party?”… nah, the mom guilt stakes are too high, it costs money, and again the poor hubby.
Chores are no different. Kids need school lunches, breakfast, dressing, brushed teeth… no problem. I’ll do it. Pets need food, water, upkeep… no problem. I’ll get right on it. House cleaning? I can’t recall the last time my husband pushed a vacuum around or folded family laundry. I got this! I got everything. All day, every day. Let me make ‘your life’ easier. I’m well trained, quick, meticulous. No worries, right? WRONG.
Note to self, I can’t do everything. I need help. That’s a topic for another day.
Today’s goal is to catch myself ‘asking permission’ instead of taking action.
She says “Babe, I’m cooking chili tonight.” Because I love chili and it’s good protein.
She says “I’m going to go for a run.” Period.
Make an appointment for that tattoo because it means something to you.
Sign-up for that hair-braiding class so you can give your girls adorable hair styles and maybe laugh with a few other women for an hour.
Sign-up for that psychic dinner party, invite your sister who loves that kind of stuff. We could use quality alone time together.
It’s really hard to take the steps to self-fulfillment but it can be done.
Identify how you’re falling short of making yourself happy. Stop asking permission to live your life. Make decisions. Be accountable. Fight for the dreams you want to chase for no one else but yourself.
#livefree #findyourhappiness #self-fulfillment #chasedreams